Fortunately, I'm Part Mermaid

This summer has been like a game of Fortunately Unfortunately. You know, fortunately it’s Summer at last. Unfortunately, it has rained so much our basement has flooded four times. Fortunately, we have an excellent little dehumidifier that just keeps valiantly drying out the basement if we run it 24/7 and empty it every couple of days. Unfortunately, mold.

But fortunately! It’s Summer, and 90 degrees most days.

Unfortunately, it’s also 97% humidity.

Fortunately we have a swim pond three minutes from our house where you can cool off in the pondy waters with occasional turtles floating lazily by and the odd little school of tiny fish nibbling daintily at your ankles.

Unfortunately every time I try to go there to swim I am turned away by the high schoolers who get summer jobs as lifeguards and are under strict orders to prevent anyone from swimming there during threat of lightning strikes.

Fortunately, I’m part mermaid! Thus I can swim for long periods under water, avoiding the threat of being struck by lightning on the shift of some hapless teen who is just trying to follow orders.

Unfortunately, I was met with blank stares when I ran this by hapless teens. Plus they were texting all their friends a second after I turned my back. Just had really freaky woman trying to get a swim by telling me she was a mermaid.

Fortunately, we have a creek running by our barn where you can also cool off in the unseasonally high creek summer flow due to the ridiculous amount of torrential summer rain we have had this…summer.

Unfortunately: mosquitos.

Fortunately: Deet mosquito deterrent. As Amazon advertises: Say Goodbye To Unwanted Pests With Our Reliable Pest Control Solutions. Order Today. Why does every word have to be capitalized?

Unfortunately: This tribe of mosquito has clearly evolved to enjoy Deet as part of their tasty human blood snack.

Fortunately: stepping up the mosquito control efforts with Thermacell Rechargeable Mosquito Repeller. $43.24 total for the pale blue model with taxes shipping and handling.

Unfortunately: hasn’t arrived yet. Twenty four thousand mosquitos currently sharing our home with us. How did they get in? We have screens! We don’t open our door except to let the cat out, or to come in ourselves when we return home!

Fortunately: Denmarkscreens Heavy Duty Leather Insect Swat with 43cm durable metal handle with which you can smack annoying bugs while keeping a comfortable distance due to the thick leather cover riveted at the junction of the metal handle which ensures thousands of times uses [quoting from the website]

Unfortunately: only available in Denmark.

Fortunately: I’m part mermaid, and I BELIEVE that due to the scales, mermaids are mostly impervious to mosquitos.

Unfortunately: no scales on upper body.

Fortunately, no scales on upper body.

You have to focus on the positives.